


bath

by yeosangly



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Depression, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 10:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15289080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeosangly/pseuds/yeosangly
Summary: "The boy who stole my heart within days.The boy who's smiles melted my heart and made me forget my problems.The boy who never hesitated helping others when they needed a hand, even if he was tired as fuck.The boy....who I betrayed."...edited/better version is up on my profile!





	bath

**Author's Note:**

> hey! there is a better version of this on my profile,, but i decided to keep this up for sentimental purposes. uwu.

_Drop._  
_Drop._  
_Drop._

The cold water covered my body, sending shivers down my spine. I liked it - it kept the pain in my arms subtle, but still enough for me to feel it.

I didn't want this. I really didn't.   
I wanted to be like the rest of the members - or at least how they used to be.

_Deep down, all of us are hurting. But I'm the only one who's affected that much. I'm the only one not strong enough to fight through it. But, honestly, am I to blame?_

_It was all my fault._  
_I could have prevented this._  
_I should have helped more._  
_I should have worked harder._  
_But it's too late now._

_They're gone._  
_We are not the same._  
_Stray Kids will never be the same without them._

Sighing, I rested my head on the edge of the bathtub. I closed my eyes and laid down so that only my nose was above the surface of the water. My arms rested on the sides of the bathtub, one of them holding the blade as if it's the only thing that would help me.

It wasn't going to help.   
I knew it.   
But I couldn't stop myself.   
It helped me in some way.   
Focusing on the pain in my arms made me forget the pain in my heart for at least a bit.   
It was something.   
And I was thankful.

_Drop._  
_Drop._  
_Drop._

I didn't know whether water or blood made that sound, and I didn't care. It doesn't matter, anyways.

Opening my eyes, I stared at the ceiling, letting my mind wander around freely.

And, of course, I thought of my best friend.

_**Felix.** _

_He didn't deserve this._  
_It's my fault._  
_I knew he was struggling, but I didn't help him enough._  
_I saw that Changbin hyung spend a lot of time with him, I suppose he tried his best to help the blonde boy improve._

_That should have been me, but instead, I locked myself away from Felix and the rest._

_I wouldn't eat._  
_I wouldn't sleep._  
_I wouldn't talk._  
_I just... Existed._  
_All I did was think about_ _**him** _ _._

_The members tried their best to help me feel better, each of them failing miserably._

_I appreciated their concern, but it wasn't helping._  
_And they knew it._  
_They knew what - or who, I needed._  
_But they couldn't bring him back._  
_They knew it wasn't possible to change JYP's mind._  
_We already asked him_  
_We begged him._  
_We promised we'd help him - Minho - who later was joined by Felix, improve_ _what they lacked_.   
_We told him that our group wasn't the same without the shy looking Minho and the sunshine that Felix is._  
__We told him he can't eliminate them.__  
_We told him we're a team._  
_We told him that we're like one body._  
_With some of the parts missing, we wouldn't work well._  
_But he rejected us._  
_He said it's for the better._  
_And we accepted that._

I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks.   
I still didn't understand why Chan accepted what JYP said....he didn't give up on Minho and Felix, right?   
He always told us we'd debut as one.   
He promised us.  
And we believed him.

I lifted myself up so I can sit in the tub. I took the blood-covered blade and twirled it around my fingers carefully, still thinking about Felix and Minho.

Bringing the blade down to my skin, I thought of all the times I fucked up.

I dragged the cold metal across my wrist, muttering words no one was going to hear.

_Woojin deserves someone better. You never help him enough, Jisung. He won't care what's going to happen to you._ _He always complains about how loud you are, so..._

The blade left a deep cut across my pale skin, but I didn't feel any pain.  
I felt empty.   
It's probably the lack of food and sleep.

I dragged the cold metal through my wrist once more.

_Chan only added you to the group out of pity. You should have done everyone a favor and reject his offer. You're only bringing them down, especially since Minho was eliminated._

Another cut.   
And another.   
And another.   
It's like drugs.  
You get addicted.

_Changbin will always be better than you at rap. He shouldn't have wasted time in trying to help your talentless self improve. He should have helped the ones who deserved the help - Felix and Minho._

I smiled weakly at the sign of my bleeding arms.   
I didn't feel the pain....or maybe I just knew I deserved to suffer.

_Or Hyunjin._  
_He works so much more than you._  
_He deserves more than you do._  
_So why do you even try?_

There was hardly any space on my arms that wasn't covered in cuts, old or new.

_Seungmin doesn't even like you. Have you noticed how much he avoids you?_  
_It's probably because he knew how close you and the two eliminated members were. He probably blames you for not helping them enough._

My eyes shifted towards my legs, as I wondered if I should leave my bloody arms and move onto my thighs.  
We rarely wore clothes that exposed our legs, so no one would notice, right?

_Jeonginnie...why is JYP even saying you lack? When it's obvious that I, Jisung, am the one who lacks talent? Not only talent, but visual wise as well?_  
_You_ _deserve better, Ginnie... Maybe if I leave, JYP will notice how talented and hardworking you are._

I kept dragging the blade across my skin as I whispered every member's name.   
It was all my fault.   
They all deserve better.

_Felix....my poor Lix._  
_And I dared to think I was his best friend._  
_He deserves someone better._  
_Someone who gives his all to him....like Changbin._  
_Hyung will help him a lot more than I ever did._

And then, the only one left on my mind was the one I missed the most.

_**Minho.** _

_The boy who stole my heart within days._  
_The boy who's smiles melted my heart and made me forget my problems._  
_The boy who never hesitated helping others when they_ _needed_ _a hand_ _, even if he was_ _tired_ _as fuck._  
_The boy....who I betrayed._  
_I promised him that nothing will keep us apart._  
_I promised that I'll help him prepare._  
_It wasn't enough._  
_I did a bad job._  
_I didn't help him enough when I saw him struggling._

I pressed the blade deep into the skin of my thighs, whimpering at the amount of blood that emerged from the cut.

 _There is only one person who is able to make me feel alive again._  
_It's him._  
_H_ e  _is the only thing I need, as selfish as it sounds._

I knew I didn't deserve him and his love, but I took it anyway.   
I took it for granted.   
I never showed him  _just_ how much he meant to me.   
It's too late now.   
Far too late...

I let my eyes close as darkness covered my mind. The blade fell into the water with a soft splash. I felt my body relaxing and my arms dropping on both sides of the tub, blood dripping from them. The water was no longer clean - it had turned red because of all the blood that leaked from my body.

I heard someone calling my name, though I wasn't sure who.

The door swung open, and I heard a loud scream, filled with worry, which then was followed by a call for help.

**'Chan! Call the doctors - the hospital - just call someone! Jisung needs help!'**

I turned my head towards the person who stumbled into the bathroom, slowly opening my eyes to see who it was.

I saw a crying Minho shaking my shoulders, tears falling down his cheeks.

**'Stay with me, Jisungie, please stay with me. I love you so much, don't leave me, please, don't leave me...'**

The last thing I felt before everything went numb was a pair of soft lips gently pressing onto mine.

**Author's Note:**

> HEY this is my first story and I am super anxious but I hope its okay??
> 
> To those confused what happened:
> 
> Jisung didn't exactly plan to commit suicide, but he didn't want to eat and couldn't sleep. He cut himself badly and the blood loss mixed with the lack of food and sleep finished him off.
> 
> I know I said Minho was eliminated, but the members saw that the only way they can help Jisung is let Minho visit him, but they were too late
> 
> This is like supposed to be 'canon',, it follows the survival show Stray Kids, and this happens after Felix's elimination
> 
> And now what the cool authors do:
> 
> I do not own the characters in the story, I just own the plot!
> 
> Please leave kudos and/or comment,, it'd mean a lot!
> 
> That's it from me, and once more I hope you enjoyed the story and my random blabbering
> 
> ~ Bren


End file.
